jokes

Ole mac

A married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago. "That's remarkable" the husband replies. "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

Never felt better

An old farmer was on his way for a night out on the town. He loaded his old hound dog into the buggy, had his favorite horse pulling the buggy and was on his way. He just rounded a curve when a speeding Mercedes ran into the back of his rig wiping him out. After months recovering he finally had his day in court. The defense called the local sheriff as a witness.
Defense Lawyer: "Did the plaintiff have anything to say when you approached him at the scene of the accident?"


The sheriff replied, "yes the plaintiff said, I never felt better."

Well the plaintiff's lawyer was very upset and whispered to farmer, "Did you really say that?"

The farmer said, "I sure did, but don't worry, just put me on the stand."

So, the plaintiff's lawyer called the farmer and asked, "Did you really say, you 'never felt better'?"

The farmer replied, "I sure did. But you gotta understand. When the sheriff came on the scene, he went over to my dog who was badly injured, bleeding, looked down at him, shook his head, then shot the dog. Then he walked over to my horse who had broken legs, really hurt bad, looked down at him, shook his head, then shot the horse. Then the sheriff came over, looked down at me and asked how I felt. I replied, "I never felt better".